Sunday, September 16, 2012

Application Letter Critique

September 9, 2012
Chan Brothers Travel Pte Ltd
150 South Bridge Road, #07-01 Fook Hai Building
Singapore 058727
Dear Sir/Madam
Application for the position of a tour consultant in Chan Brothers Travel Pte Ltd
I am Rai Toh, a year 4 Civil Engineering student in NUS. I am writing in to express my interest in taking up the position of a tour consultant in Chan Brothers Travel Pte Ltd. I have come across this job request on and am deeply fascinated by the job prospect in the tour agency.
I have always enjoyed travelling, and have been to many different countries such as South Korea, Thailand and Malaysia for cultural exchanges as well as military exercises. The exposure to different customs, cultures, architectures and landscapes overseas have always piqued my interest, and I value the experience of interacting with the natives. I have a keen interest and enjoy reading up on the histories and geographies of China, Southeast Asia, Europe and the United States. Locally, I have also collaborated with an Italian dance troupe ‘Studio Festi’ in the presentation of ‘Ocean Symphony’ at the Marina Bay floating platform at the Singapore Grand Prix 2011.
Having taken up various part time jobs in the Food and Beverage sector, which includes working as a server in the Resorts World Sentosa Casino, an Italian restaurant called Al Forno along East Coast Road, and ‘eM by the River’, an al-fresco bar located at the base of Gallery Evasion Hotel along Robertson Quay, I have vast opportunities to interact with several tourists and foreigners. Through these interactions, I have learnt more on the difference in customs and culture between Singapore and the countries these tourists have come from. Moreover, I offered to help them out when they encountered problems in communication or navigating.
Both my English and Mandarin are nurtured and polished through the years during school, work and National Service, therefore I am effectively bilingual. Furthermore, I have represented my school in many competitions, attaining a commendation award in the Tan Kah Kee Young Inventor’s Award Competition 2003, as well as the first runner up in the Mediacorp Programme “Creatively Mine” Competition 2004. In addition, I was the emcee for many of my school’s ceremonies and public performances. All these have helped honed my public presentation skills tremendously.
I feel that a career at Chan Brothers Travel Pte Ltd will provide me with the passion, motivation and challenge in assisting tourists with their specialised needs and making the best out of their holiday. I also relish the chance to work with other dynamic individuals that are committed in bringing the most satisfaction to visiting tourists. The interaction with different groups of tourists can also help deepen my interest and improve my knowledge on global and current issues immensely.
Despite the comparatively low salary to other industries, the irregular hours and the high pressure faced at work, it is my passion that drives me to look for a career in this industry. I would greatly appreciate if you look through my application and have attached my resume for you reference. I gladly welcome the opportunity to discuss my qualifications and how I could contribute to the company. I can be contacted via the handphone number and email address indicated below. I really look forward to hear from you. Thank you very much.
Yours sincerely
Rai Toh

*Due to privacy issues, some of the particulars have been altered/censored.


  1. Hi Lin Rui,

    a good piece of application letter.

    paragraph 1 - clear and concise, tells the reader why you are writing this letter and how you found out about the recruitment

    paragraph 2 - good explanation of your interest in the job supported with an event you have participated in that is cross-cultural

    paragraph 3 - showed that you are able to communicate with others well, one of the requirements for the job

    paragraph 4 - another plus point to tell the prospective employer of your exposure to public speaking experience

    paragraph 5 - reiterating your interest and passion for the job

    paragraph 6 - I'm not sure if it is a good thing to start off the paragraph by criticising the disadvantages of the job....

    Concise, fulfill the 7 C's requirements :)

    -Jie Wei

  2. Hi Ray,

    I had a bad link for your blog, therefore it is the first time that I see your posts.

    Ji Wei has done a really good job for correcting your cover letter.

    Moreover, we have seen your cover letter in class and as said by Brad, I like your precision. You give a lot of details and we can see that you have got the qualifications for the job! That is a really good point!

    Nevertheless, I think that your cover letter is a little bit long. Maybe you can be more concise, this will make your cover letter more effective!

    Finally, as said by Jie Wei, you have done a really good job!